Hogg Wild

Sooo. Where to begin. New York Magazine’s “Daily Intelligencer” ( name says it all) did a fawning hero worship piece about America’s second favorite numpty, David Hogg.

  In this stellar example of journalistic prowess, the passionate potato revealed his future plans, as well as an insightful premonition into the future of American politics.

  Hogg has decided to take a year off from college, and enroll in an institution of higher learning that he’s yet to choose. His selection process is complicated by the fact that he admittedly doesn’t test well, doesn’t like to write, and his preferences lean toward a school willing to admit him pro bono.  Speaking as someone who has matriculated, I can say this with relative confidence. Barring some outstanding athletic talent in a sport that’s in high demand, a prospective enrollee that can’t pass the entrance tests or write in a scholarly fashion will experience difficulty in finding a university willing to open it’s doors for free. These obstacles are compounded by the fact that he’s at a distinct demographic disadvantage.

 The second part of his plan is to take the 2020 acedemic year off from studies at Mystery School to work on a so far undisclosed election campaign. After the elections in 2020, he intends to resume college to ” read a shitload of books” to better prepare him for the next chapter in his plan.

  He intends to run for a seat in the House of Representatives when he’s 25. Perhaps he’s found a way to write proposals for legislation that mitigates his need to write. Hopefully somewhere in his “shitload of books” he will find the solution. 

  As for his premonition? I saved the best for last. The wise and insightful Oracle of Democracy predicts that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez will be President of the United States. Yes, evidently we will elect to the oval office the one person that Republicans and Democrats both actually agree isn’t qualified to run for crossing guard.

  Candidates like this Laurel and Hardy matchup leave me both hopeful and afraid. Hopeful in that they don’t pose much opposition to a real candidate, and yet afraid that the progressive left may someday actually succeed with this shit.

The Intelligencer piece can be found here if you can stomach it.