YouTube Confirms: “Jake And Logan Paul Can Do What They Want, We Don’t Care!”

In a statement released earlier today that reaffirmed everyone’s suspicions, YouTube have declared that vlogger brothers Jake and Logan Paul can do whatever they like on the video sharing platform, as nobody at YouTube HQ gives a shit.

The declaration comes after Logan Paul received monumental backlash from the YouTube community due to featuring the dead body of a hanged man in Japan’s ‘suicide forest’ within one of his recent vlogs.

YouTube left a short message via Twitter, stating: “After carefully reading everyone’s complaints and concerns for five minutes, we would like to categorically state that we will do everything in our power to ignore any criticisms the Paul brothers receive. As Jake and Logan are two of our most popular YouTubers, it is important that we hold them to a particular standard of preferential treatment. As representatives of YouTube who have millions of very young followers, it is paramount that we do nothing to alienate either of these walking ATM’s. Logang be the strongest army out there, DAB on the h8rz, DAB on suicide!”

The message was received well by the YouTube community, who were happy to see YouTube being open and honest for once.

The Paul brothers shot to fame after moving to YouTube after Vine shut down. Their popularity has since spread at a phenomenal rate, akin to a parasite taking over its host body.

We reached out to YouTube for further comment but were told that no one was available, as everyone at HQ is too busy demonetizing content and checking to make sure PewDiePie isn’t making off-colour jokes again.


You can find the author on Twitter @AlizeeYeezy

From London, England, Alizee is a satirical contributor for New Media Central.